With 2017 well under way, many of us are deep into our ‘New Year – New You’ campaign. Often, that involves us taking stock of our relationships and deciding if they are really everything we need them to be. Relationships can be challenging, especially when you have those high highs, and low lows. One minute you can feel like there’s no way the relationship can work and the next, you feel like you’ve found your soulmate.
However, when you’re evaluating your relationship from a logical standpoint instead of an emotional one, what are some of the best ways to know whether it’s healthy or not? Here are 10 great ways to tell if it might be time for a fresh start.
- You know he doesn’t deserve you. Do you hesitate to tell people that you’re dating him because you know they won’t understand? Do your friends and family tell you that he’s not good enough for you? Well, everybody can’t be wrong. When you start to feel it for yourself, then it’s time to examine exactly why you feel that way. Are you both at the same level or are you a successful, educated woman on an upward trajectory, and he’s hanging out at your condo watching your dog while you go to work?
- Do you trust each other? Do you feel uncomfortable every time he says he’s going out with his friends? Do you believe what he tells you? A little jealousy is natural and you know how to check yourself when it’s unwarranted. But, if you just have that nagging suspicion he’s not being straight with you; you probably feel that way for a reason. A woman’s intuition is unparalled and it’s real. Similarly, if he’s going through your phone and discouraging you from spending time with your friends because he doesn’t trust you – that’s a bad sign as well. It’s true that trust has to be earned, but as a mature person in a relationship; you make a decision whether or not you want to trust someone.
- Do you have fun together? Do you spend time with your significant other only because you know you should you don’t want any problems? When you’re really stressed out and want to have a good time, are your friends that first ones you call? Every time? While having your own friends is healthy, if you really don’t enjoy the time you spend with your guy OR you feel like you can’t really let your hair down when he’s around, that could signify deeper problems. In order to build a bond, you have to create memories together. You should genuinely like spending time with each other. If you look back at the past year of your relationship and can’t think of anything really fun you did together…that’s not a good sign.
- Is the relationship one-sided? Are you the cook, the housekeeper, the masseuse, and the event planner in your relationship? Do you feel as if you’re the only one contributing and/or sacrificing? Both people bring different gifts into the relationship, but it should still be a somewhat equal distribution. If you’re a stay at home mom and he’s making the money, chances are that you cook, clean and help him be the best man he can be. This works both ways. What is he bringing to the table? Is it something that you actually want?
- Is he supportive/proud of you? When you’re out as a couple, does he only talk about his accomplishments or what he’s working on? Or, does he brag about you whenever he gets the chance. When you meet his peers, do they know that you’re in grad school, or that you’re writing a novel? Do they say, “I’ve heard so much about you!” A great couple is one that promotes each other’s accomplishments and builds each other up. You want someone that is so proud of you, he can’t hold it in.
- How do you argue? All couples argue and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, experts say that it’s healthy to learn how to handle disputes with each other. There’s a right way and a wrong way to argue, however. When you’re mad at each other, do you aim below the belt and say hurtful things. When something is said in confidence during intimate moments, do you use that information against each other when you’re angry. If so, experts say that’s not the way to go. Think about the way you handle disputes with your child. When you’re upset with them, you tell them why you’re mad and you discuss ways to rectify the situation. You don’t say things to hurt them and you certainly don’t emasculate them – hopefully. You should never say things to the one you love that they won’t be able to get past. That will only breed resentment. If you’re doing it to him, you have to ask yourself where the resentment is stemming from. If he’s doing it to you, then you already know that it’s chipping away at your resolve. A woman can only feel in love with another as she is with herself. If he’s saying things that kill the allure you feel for yourself, pretty soon you aren’t going to want to be around him at all.
- Are you friends? When something goes wrong at work, is he the first person you want to call or the last? When you do talk to him, do you feel better? Does he encourage and motivate you. Inspire you? Make you laugh from the belly? When that new restaurant opens up downtown, are you excited to go there and experience it with him? Can you talk to him about most things? Does he know your deepest dreams, your goals? Does he know that what your favorite book is? Your favorite food? He should.
- Does he challenge you? And by this, I don’t mean get up in your face and criticize your cooking. Does he have a vision for you that possibly exceeds your own? Does he encourage to follow your dreams, utilize your talents and push you to do things that you never thought you could? Do you learn from him? Do you feel as if you’re a better person for just having known him? Is he the yin to your yang? When someone supports you and pushes you to be the best version of yourself, it’s a beautiful thing. Woman naturally do this much of the time because we’re nurturers, but when a man can see and cultivate his queen’s true essence; there’s nothing like it.
- When you think about your future, do you see him in it? When you are imagining your future self, 1 year, 5 years or even 10 years down the road, is he a prominent part of your vision? When you think about the woman you really want to be, is he a good match for her? Will he fit or do you envision a future without him in it? If you don’t picture him growing with you and being just amazing as you are, then you must ask yourself why.
- It’s not just about the sex. Oh, but sex is uber important. Does he satisfy you? Does he even want to or is he only concerned about himself? Are you bored in the bedroom? Have you tried new positions…toys…excursions…lingerie to no avail? Can you talk to him about it and work on it or is he totally unaware that you’re not satisfied? It’s extremely difficult to turn a bad sex situation around and you want to figure it out before you find yourself in someone else’s arms. When he makes love to you, it should make you want to call your best friend and say, “Giiiiiirl…” But, then rethink that because you don’t need her knowing just how good it is.