Is remaining with one partner for an extended period of time just unrealistic?
We are all walking around in a constant state of information overload. The amount of data available to us and the amount that we process is staggering. Figuring out what we need to know and what we can ignore is exhausting. And we do it all day every day. Our smart phones and social media have created a society with the attention span of gnats. That being said, no matter how great a catch you might be, chances are that you are not in a serious relationship and you may not even want to be.
We have access to anything and anybody at any given time and that makes it difficult to devote your attention to one person at a time. I am even guilty of this myself. I meet great people all the time and in the moment, I feel really excited and connected…BUT, within a day or 2, I’ve forgotten about them because I have so much other stuff going on in my life. Even with the best of intentions, knowing that you have access to pretty much ANYONE results in you having less of an appreciation for ANY ONE.
Some other reasons why monogamy may be dying.
- Your online persona is way cooler than you are in real life.
Have you ever seen an online profile that really captured your attention? They seem funny, witty, intelligent and just cool! And then you meet them in person and you are profoundly disappointed. Many people put a lot of time and effort into their social media presence because they know… it’s all a façade – all smoke and mirrors.
- If you are perceived to be involved with someone, this may limit your chances of hooking up with other people
Last summer was the first time I got into the dating scene. Every single date that I went on, the person wanted to make sure that we kept it secret. No posts, no pics and no mention of anything. Wouldn’t even check in if we were at a restaurant. I remember naively taking a picture during one of these initial dates that I went on. I was about to post it and he lost his mind. This seems obvious to me now a year later, but back then, I just didn’t know any better. I wasn’t aware that we’re all in a constant state of keeping our options open.
- Monogamy is boring
Back in the day, when you got tired of your significant other, chances are you tried to make it work because you needed each other and you just didn’t know what else was out there. NOW, you know exactly what’s out there and you can probably have it today if you want to. We also don’t date and marry based on need/convenience anymore.
- Equality has skewed the gender gap
In the last few years, on average, 34% more women graduated from college than men. With the breakdown of the family structure, many single mothers had to go back to school or do whatever they could to improve the quality of life for themselves and their children. That has resulted in many women feeling as though they may have to widen their dating pool (possibly lower their expectations) to include men who may be less educated and make less money than they do. Even though a woman may be willing to do this, it can set up a strange dynamic between 2 people in a relationship. The worst case scenario ends up with a man feeling emasculated and the women feeling unfulfilled.
- People’s communication skills are poor and getting worse every day
People in general are poor communicators. But, when you add in a swipe left, check yes or no, say it in 140 characters or less type of mindset, it really doesn’t support taking the time to get to know people and understand their complexities. Who wants to do that? We’re all working on and getting to know ourselves. I have found that some of the poorest communicators are in fact very in touch with themselves. I had 3 people tell me their love languages on separate occasions. Without me asking.
Whether the potential end of monogamy is a good thing or not, it does seem as if we are on the brink of a pretty significant societal change.