A communications specialist by trade, Deborah Olivia Farmer founded Brown Farmer Media Group Inc., a full-service communications firm, after two decades of working in Chicago’s newsrooms.
In 2016, the firm gained national attention after being awarded a competitive contract with the City of Chicago to lead a diversity recruitment initiative for the Chicago Police Department that came to be known as “Be The Change.” Under Deborah Olivia’s leadership, the communications firm has also aided in the growth and success of dozens of other clients nationally, spanning corporations, not-for-profit organizations, and high-profile leaders.
Yet, despite achieving a great deal of professional success in her corporate and entrepreneurial careers, Deborah Olivia found that she had more of her purpose to fulfill. After life choices, discovering mentorship, and challenges with natural conception, she made the life-changing decision to foster to adopt.
Now, four years later, Deborah Olivia is opening up about her faith-filled experience in a memoir entitled, “My Journey With Joshua.” MJWJ is a firsthand account of the foster to adoption process, purposed to dispel common myths, take the stigma out of adoption, and encourage other professionals to “find their happy” through the process.
Through this educational awareness platform, which also includes a line of products, Deborah Olivia hopes to create advocates for adoption and inspire more people toward adoption that will provide love, a safe space, and shelter for children in need. “My Journey With Joshua” is more than a book; it’s a movement.
Deborah Olivia Farmer shares her heart with N’DIGO and talks about her “Journey with Joshua” and her adoption process.
N’DIGO: Why did you choose to adopt a child?
Deborah Olivia Farmer: I am a born mother. But, I faced difficulty conceiving a biological child. I had married later in life not truly aware of how my biological clock might be a real issue when we tried to conceive. I have 6 god-children and I’m also a natural nurturer. For various personal reasons, I’ve always worked as a volunteer with organizations to improve the lives of children. For instance, I was aware of the challenges faced by foster children I knew while growing up in Roseland, Illinois. These experiences have framed my views on children in need and in peril for many years.
Also, as a kid growing up in Roseland, I would play “House” with my little cousin Nicky. My granny would say, let Nicky be the momma sometimes… I would then say, “THERE GONE BE TWO MOMMAS.” I knew at such a young age I wanted to be a mom.
Did you have any particulars about adopting? (Sex preference, parent background, etc)
I was going through the foster care process as a single woman in my early 30s, prior to getting married. I wanted a little Black girl. A baby girl between the ages of birth and 2. Fostering and adoption have long been in my mindset. This is long before I became aware of my fertility issues. In fact, as a young woman, I had mentored a beautiful young girl and wanted to foster her to provide the kind of loving, stable, and safe environment she needed, but I was very young myself—still in my mid-20s—and was persuaded to wait for a mate and other traditional notions of stability.
You were married when you adopted, were you skeptical about the adoption after your divorce?
I was only skeptical when I knew I would be a single mother to a boy, after deciding to consciously uncouple. I am a woman at my core and know nothing about being a man, and continue to daily be concerned with Josh getting the full experience of growing up in the home with a mom and dad. This may seem really odd to say, but I don’t think I would be as concerned if I were a single parent of a girl… which is what I was setting out to do prior to getting married.
What challenges have you had as a single parent?
I try my best not to look at challenges in ways that most do… It is all about perspective for me. The only and biggest challenge for me was taking him to the Barbershop. He is older now and it’s not the hassle it once was.
Do you have particular concerns about Joshua being a young Black male?
In all I do, my goal is centering Joshua. That is what good, loving, adoring and responsible parents try to do for their children, regardless of the path to parenthood. The concern that I have is he is a young Black male being raised by a single Black woman. That is my daily concern. I will continue to surround him with positive Black males and continue to pray that God sends him his forever DAD because I would love for him to have the experience of growing up with that.
You have written a book about adopting, what do you want the reader to know?
In “My Journey With Joshua,” I offer my testimony as proof positive of adoption’s greatest rewards. I wrote about my adoption experiences so I could use our story as a framework for building awareness and positive action for suffering children – because I see a great need for it in our communities. There are more than 400,000 American babies, children, and teenagers in foster care and about a quarter of those await permanent homes through adoption. Although it’s an arduous process to become a foster parent and to adopt, my testimony illustrates the outsized rewards. Also, the level of misinformation and misunderstanding surrounding fostering and adoption can be high. During and after adopting Joshua, I wasn’t really prepared for the sort of responses I sometimes got from some friends and strangers regarding my choice to adopt as a means to have a child. The stigma is real. But, again, I blazed another trail in my life — around and away from allowing negativity to take root.
Joshua deserves better than the limits people sometimes tend to want to associate with our story. And by extension, so do the millions of children waiting to find loving families of their own and the parents waiting to welcome them. I decided there was an opportunity to transform insensitivity into an opportunity for inspiration — to reshape the perception of what family means by bringing clarity to the wonders of adopting babies, children, and teens.
https://www.myjourneytojoshua.com/shop
https://www.myjourneytojoshua.com/shop
What kind of things do you and Josh do together?
Josh is a great dancer and artist. We dance together and do Tik Tok videos. We also go to the park and draw pictures. We also have memberships at Six Flags and the zoo, so we go to these venues a couple of times monthly.
Will you tell Josh that he is adopted one day?
ABSOLUTELY in all caps!!! That is the problem in our community… too many secrets. There is nothing to be ashamed of for him or for me, so I will share that he was chosen by love and continue to ensure he knows that.
You chose to be a mother, do you think there is a difference between that and birthing a child?
How much time do we have?
Will you allow your son to know his birth parents?
Josh became my child by way of foster care to adoption. To that end, he had visits with his bio-siblings and bio-dad early on in our journey. The bio-dad did not keep up with the visits, which expedited his rights being terminated and allowing me to adopt him. Sadly, his bio-mom died days after he was born. I have contact with the other adopted mom of two of his siblings and we have kept that relationship going. We recently had a playdate with them on our last trip home to Chicago.
What advice would you give someone that is considering adopting a child?
So I actually decided to write “My Journey to Joshua” because I’ve had so many people along my journey say “Oh that is something I’ve always wanted to do”, yet they don’t it. And for me, I feel like the people (that don’t) are living in a place of fear.
So my advice would be:
1. To do some research on the agency that you’re looking to adopt through. 2. Form a relationship with the caseworker or the licensing representative.
3. And finally “Just Do It!”
Have no fear and know that God is with you. That is why I stand on the scripture Joshua 1:9 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
There’s no fear in love. We should do all things from a place of love. God does not have us to live in a place of fear. So whatever you want to do in life, “Just Do It!”
You can also follow Deborah Olivia Farmer at the following:
https://www.brownfarmermedia.com
Order “My Journey to Joshua” and purchase merchandise @ https://www.myjourneytojoshua.com
