Imagine this. Santa Claus is preparing to make his annual trip from the North Pole, and his sleigh is already loaded to capacity. He looks forward to spreading some good cheer and merriment to all those who endured the trials and tribulations of the big COVID-19 of 2020.
He envisions the smiles on all the children’s faces on Christmas morning as they open toys and presents that their parents couldn’t possibly afford. You see, most of the parents lost their jobs or their income was reduced because of the harsh effects of the pandemic. Some even lost businesses, which affected their employees. It was a domino effect that touched everyone.
The year 2020 has not been a walk in the park. Santa sighs and says “Damn to even walk in a park and breath some fresh air would be a gift for millions of people.” These are indeed the new dark ages. One in eight families don’t have enough to eat, more than 3.5 million people out of work and sadly 273,000 (and counting) people have died from COVID-19.
As Santa hurries to fulfill the countless Christmas wishes of all the kids who wrote him, he sees a letter that has fallen off his workstation and landed near a wastebasket. He walks over and finds the letter addressed to him, from an undeserving, selfish, spoiled, racist, dishonest, narcissistic, arrogant, stupid, egotistic, and unqualified kid 76-year-old kid named Donald J. Trump.
Santa vividly remembers Donald. For the past 4 years, his photo has been sent to all the agencies across the world and his bad deeds were tracked by the Global Behavior Tracking Network at the North Pole Government Department of Christmas Affairs. His records are closely monitored all year at the North Pole Records Center.
Every year Donald puts his Christmas demands in writing and rants on Twitter constantly and acts like an ass with a capital A when things don’t go his way. He was even quoted saying “When you’re a star, they let you do it,“ referring to the countess crimes he has committed.
Disgusted by his childlike antics, Santa decided to write the angry, crisis-denying kid a letter back explaining how little boys are to conduct themselves, how to treat people with respect and especially little girls, and never cry wolf.
Dear Donald,
Each year, you write me a letter, written in the most offensive tone. I try to be sympathetic and forgiving as I interact with bad kids from all around the world, but never have I encountered anyone like you.
The pandemic has thrown a wrench in my usual spectacular Christmas plans and though I’m terribly busy, I had to address the stunts and shenanigans you pulled the last four years.
Here are a few reasons which I’m canceling your Christmas and leaving a big pot of coal on the steps of your White House.
You’ve made the “_Baa Humbug_” list for the following reasons:
1. You maintained ownership of your companies while serving as President of the United States.
2. You told your first lie in office describing a modestly sized inauguration crowd as the largest in history
3. You failed to release your tax returns
4. You signed an order to build a wall between Mexico and the United States and claimed the Mexican president would pay for it
5. You signed an order banning travelers from seven Muslim-majority countries on security grounds
6. When a Black reporter asked if you would meet with Congressional Black Caucus members, you asked her, “You want to set up the meeting? Are they friends of yours?
7. You declared the free press “the enemy of the American people.”
8. You tweeted that predecessor tapped your phone
9. You attacked and accused a judge of “unprecedented overreach” for blocking the travel ban
10. You fired the FBI director when you learned he was investigating campaign links with Russia and election interference
Dear Donald,
I thought was finished but I realize your antics were like no other….
1. You passed highly classified information to a Russian foreign minister
2. You irritated Melania so much that she swatted your hand while standing on the tarmac after landing in Israel
3. You received thanks from a former member of the Ku Klux Klan
4. You told a widow that dead soldier husband “knew what he signed up for”
5. You called a kneeling NFL player a “son of a bitch”, and requested team owners remove him from the field.
6. You referred to a senator as “Pocahontas”
7. You mouthed the wrong words to the national anthem
8. You paid porn girlfriend with his own money
9. You possibly involved the Russians to defeat Hillary Clinton to win the 2016 presidency
10. You mocked the church and during as photo-op you held a bible upside down
11. During the Republic Convention, you and your guests refused to wear a mask and practice social distancing. You a super-spreader!
11. You ignored the Coronavirus crisis as a national security threat
12. You tried to sabotage the U.S. Postal Service during the 2020 presidential election
13. You refused to acknowledge that Biden won the election, and blamed your loss on a string of conspiracy theories
14. You wasted the Federal courts time by filing reports for election fraud
Lastly, according to legal experts, you could become the first former president in American history to find himself on trial and perhaps even behind bars. You constantly brag about your crimes as if you’re untouchable. When Joe Biden is sworn in as president in January, his attorney general will inherit a mountain of criminal evidence against you, accumulated by Robert Miller and a host of Inspector General and congressional oversight committees.
You have committed obstruction of justice, lied to investigators, and conspired with Russian intelligence to commit an offense against the United States. But knowing you, you will try to pardon yourself.
Donald, you need to learn the true meaning of Christmas and life.
P.S. “Don’t even think about running for office again in 2024….
Regretfully,
Santa
Sylvester Cosby is the Digital Editor and Contributing Writer for N’DIGO.
