You can only receive what you are willing to give… to yourself.
I began seriously meditating late last year. I’ve always believed in meditation and enjoyed it but never really did it on a consistent basis. I fell in love with this app called Insight Timer that has thousands of meditations on a myriad of topics. The guided meditations were the catalyst for me. When I meditate on my own, my mind has a tendency to wander and the whole session becomes a battle for me to relax and try to clear my mind. With guided meditation, I find it extremely easy to listen and visualize whatever is being suggested. After all, I am a writer and my imagination has always been my strong point.
Through my meditation, I have really been focusing on the Law of Attraction. I typically do meditations centered around Gratitude, Abundance and Manifesting the Life/Career that I desire. I believe strongly in the Law of Attraction and have for many years. But, that got me to thinking. How did I manifest or attract to me that last relationship that I was in? I am a very giving, selfless and considerate person. If I care about you, there is just about nothing I won’t do for you. I’m also extremely romantic. I love getaways, romantic dinners, gifts just because. I do all of those things for people I care about. It’s just in my nature.
How then, did I end up with a person that was selfish and that always put me last on his list? Whenever I talked about him doing anything for me or with me, he always had an excuse. He didn’t “want to spend that type of money.” “Not now.” Or even, “Your expectations are too high.” I wondered how I ended up with such a person since I’m such the opposite of that. I took that a step further and thought about both of my failed marriages. The first one was pretty bad. We lived in poverty, never had or achieved anything worthwhile together. The second marriage, while better, was still subpar. It looked good on the surface, but lacked substance in many important ways. How did I bring these people to me? I had this thought yesterday and let it go. This morning, I meditated and then, on a whim, decided to watch The Secret again.
I love The Secret. There is always a takeaway, no matter how many times I watch it. This time, however, I had a breakthrough.
It rocked me to my core and broke my heart. I could only cry with gratitude for the fact that I was learning such an important lesson.
In The Secret, Dr. Joe Vitale says, “Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others.” As I heard that, I said to myself, “Well, I’m good because I really love myself. I love who I am.”
And then it clicked. Do I act as if I love myself? All of these thoughts came rushing to me. For years, I have been frugal with myself. A warm bubble bath and cold glass of Pinot Grigio are 2 of my favorite things and have been for years. I considered the fact that when I stop at CVS, I grab those 2 for $1 Suave Bubble baths and tell myself that I’ll get the good stuff one day – it’s not that important, it’s just a bath. I also grab that $10 bottle of Pinot that’s on sale. I literally walk past the $25.99 Santa Margherita that I really like every time and say to myself, “I’m not trying to spend that much on a bottle of wine today.” When I needed a purse, I picked one up at Target and told myself, “I’ll get my real purse one day soon. This is cool for right now.” My apartment – same thing. I hated the neighborhood, but I told myself, “This is what I can afford right now, this will do.” My car is on its last leg. People are literally shocked when they see what I drive. I tell myself, “I’m not trippin about a car. I don’t have a car note and that’s good enough for me. It gets me from point A to point B. I’ll get my dream car one day.”
That’s the way I treat me.
And then I thought about the way I treat the people that I love. When I was married, he was into cigars. I learned everything about cigars and every couple of weeks or so, I’d stop in the cigar shop and talk to the guy about what my husband liked and pick out a few nice cigars. I also upgraded his humidor one year. He drank Tanqueray, so when I was in the store, I picked up a big bottle of Tanqueray 10 – which wasn’t cheap. Would I have ever gone into that cigar shop and said, “What’s on sale?” Would I ever buy him a bottle of Seagram’s gin because it was cheaper? Not in a million years.
Well, why in the world would I ever do that with myself?
In fact, I spent a lot of my time trying to think of new and creative ways to surprise my husband – because he was the man who had everything. My gifts were always innovative and he appreciated them because I put thought into them.
How could I not treat myself the same way?
With the selfish boyfriend that I had, I realized that the things he told me were the exact same things that I told myself. “Not right now.” This is good enough for you.” “I’m not trying to spend that type of money.”
I attracted a selfish man to me because I was selfish to myself. I attracted and married a man that was unfaithful to me because I wasn’t faithful to myself. I knew something was off in my marriage. I wasn’t happy and instead of taking a stand and demanding something different, I just accepted it. It was “good enough.” He worked hard and he was helping me raise my sons. I should be satisfied…right? That wasn’t being faithful to myself – to allow myself to be unhappy. That wasn’t putting ME first, because I knew I deserved better and did nothing about it.
It wasn’t about who I was at the core. The Law of Attraction doesn’t care if you’re a nice person, it gives you more of what you think about, what you do and how you feel when you do it. If I go into that store and believe that I can’t afford that thing right now, then the Universe says, ‘You’re right – you can’t.’ If I buy a cheap car because I think I can’t get my dream car, right now, the Universe says, ‘Yep, you’re right. You can’t.’ Every time I act as if I don’t deserve this, can’t have that or can’t go there, I am inviting everyone in my life to treat me exactly the same way.
I finally understood.
I needed to treat me as if I was dating and in love with ME. If I want it, it’s mine – because I’m in love with me and I want me to have it. I know I deserve it. If I want to take that trip, buy that purse, get the good wine…the good bubble bath, then I will – without a second thought, because I love me. I cannot treat me this way and attract a person to me that will treat me any less – it’s not possible. The Universe doesn’t work that way. And I am so thankful that I learned this lesson today. I almost feel as if I’ve been in a dysfunctional relationship for years and I have finally put my foot down. You better treat me right! Well, I am heeding the call. That’s right! I better treat ME right because if I don’t, no one else will. I am going to have a good time showing me how much I love and adore me. I’m going to get my girlfriend back.